My broken heart wants to do good. Wants not to complain, to
feel stepped on. How I dream of someone to stand up for me, to call everyone
around and say-hey, she needs help, what hour are you signing up for? Which
task can you do?
I wait every day for that person.
And they never appear
I spend day after day begging & pleading with people,
agencies, case mangers. I can’t do this anymore. Nobody would. So many jobs, so
much work. I’m only 1 person. I didn’t ask for this, but it has to be done.
Isaac didn’t ask to be like this, its nobody’s fault. Just a fact.
People don’t like that all I do is need help. Believe me, I
don’t want to need it. I want to get up and go about my life, with nobody else
needing to know if I went to the bathroom, got dressed, or ate.
I’m sure Isaac feels the same way.
I want to do things I enjoy, and not feel like I owe people
for doing it. How can I bake, shop, do something creative, when someone is
giving me their time to help? How can I sit down and eat supper (no idea how its
getting made) when someone is bathing my daughter?
Is all empathy gone in this “selfie” world? When I was in
grade school we got an assignment to pick an inanimate object and put yourself
in its’ place. I remember what it felt like to be a chair, a pencil, a wall.
Is there nobody left in this world who can put themselves in our place and help
for a little, then go home and thank your lucky stars you don’t live here?
Or run an errand, make a call, organize some paperwork.
People say money doesn’t buy happiness. Those are the people
with the money. If I could hire people to do all these jobs, believe me, I
would.
So all I can do is cry, take care of my son, and hope for a
miracle.
