please help

My broken heart wants to do good. Wants not to complain, to feel stepped on. How I dream of someone to stand up for me, to call everyone around and say-hey, she needs help, what hour are you signing up for? Which task can you do?

I wait every day for that person.

And they never appear

I spend day after day begging & pleading with people, agencies, case mangers. I can’t do this anymore. Nobody would. So many jobs, so much work. I’m only 1 person. I didn’t ask for this, but it has to be done. Isaac didn’t ask to be like this, its nobody’s fault. Just a fact.

People don’t like that all I do is need help. Believe me, I don’t want to need it. I want to get up and go about my life, with nobody else needing to know if I went to the bathroom, got dressed, or ate.

I’m sure Isaac feels the same way.

I want to do things I enjoy, and not feel like I owe people for doing it. How can I bake, shop, do something creative, when someone is giving me their time to help? How can I sit down and eat supper (no idea how its getting made) when someone is bathing my daughter?

Is all empathy gone in this “selfie” world? When I was in grade school we got an assignment to pick an inanimate object and put yourself in its’ place. I remember what it felt like to be a chair, a pencil, a wall.

Is there nobody left in this world  who can put themselves in our place and help for a little, then go home and thank your lucky stars you don’t live here?

Or run an errand, make a call, organize some paperwork.

People say money doesn’t buy happiness. Those are the people with the money. If I could hire people to do all these jobs, believe me, I would.

So all I can do is cry, take care of my son, and hope for a miracle.